we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
