Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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