There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
