You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
