We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
