I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sober January is a disaster.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
