mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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