he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
