We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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