I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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