billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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