you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your shirt... Was in my pants
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
