im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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