To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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