Im at strip club and am horny
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Please don't give away my fajitas
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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