dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
