Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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