my vag is so smooth its legendary
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
