Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
