there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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