Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Use "feeling words"
Yay
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
