i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
