Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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