i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
