I wish life had little blips of pornography
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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