I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just high enough for therapy.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
