Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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