I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
