turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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