Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
