dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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