Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
