Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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