I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I enjoy the company of your penis
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
