You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
