I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
