Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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