i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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