the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
