I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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