Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
