You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
