If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
