He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
