I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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