he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
