My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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