I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
