Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This is my gift to your gina
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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