After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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