I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
being pregnant is like rehab
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
