if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
