I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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