so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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