Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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