did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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