im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
