so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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