Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
