I will die if light touches me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
